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And then he probably drinks more because he feels so bad about the lying. If I call you Charlie -- I'll call you babs and you call me Charlie. I don't want to be in a relationship where we lie to each other about anything more seriously than whether we like each other's presents, according to our friend this is unrealistic Some people are OK with relationships that have little white lies, others aren't, but that's beside the point. I've known a lot of these people and been taken advantage of them and all I'm saying is, your situation sounds a lot like that. I drink a lot myself -- more than this guy probably! But he was a type -- rich, spoiled, shallow.

Get him out of your home and out of your life. I don't want to be in a relationship where we lie to each other about anything more seriously than whether we like each other's presents, according to our friend this is unrealistic Some people are OK with relationships that have little white lies, others aren't, but that's beside the point. I'm incredibly sorry if this comes off as judgmental, but he sounds like a freeloading addict. Securely attached people are like super heroes. My father sat me down and said, "Let's look at this movie.

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But it's because that type of lying is so gross and there's no real recovery or trust to come from there. AA is free and generally available at all sorts of hours of the day. I want more for you.

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It's not trauma informed if it's not informed by trauma survivors. We confessed our old patterns, excuses and default operating systems. March 31, 2015 at 4: If lying is a deal breaker then break the deal.

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And you cannot "push" someone into getting sober, they have to do it for themselves. Are you taking care of all the rent, bills, groceries, etc? I know this is tough but you are smart and you're doing the right thing even if it hurts like hell right now. This smells of shifty slacker even before I heard of the alcohol and lying.

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I wanted to be called babs Elliot. That's not gonna happen. Based on this I have a million conjectures. Thanks for the correction Kathy.

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He could be hiding a battle carrier compared to what you caught him with. Who lies about cigarettes? Based on this I have a million conjectures. He has also apparently quit smoking but I don't entirely believe him as he often goes out to his car at night for various dubious reasons and often smells of cigarettes. If I call you Charlie -- I'll call you babs and you call me Charlie. Yes, something was afoot.

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My partner of four months met interstate, hit it off big time, he moved in to my house a week later has a self-confessed history of hard drug use and alcohol addiction. There was no epic struggle for love. Well, suppose that promise is kept. Because I'd just been questioning him about why his breath and two of his fingers stunk of cigarettes I have told him repeatedly that it's up to him whether he smokes , I told him I'd believe him about the cigarettes if he got the hip flasks for me. You need to spiritually wake up. I got to say, Barbara, you're looking really good.

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Because I'd just been questioning him about why his breath and two of his fingers stunk of cigarettes I have told him repeatedly that it's up to him whether he smokes , I told him I'd believe him about the cigarettes if he got the hip flasks for me. He has stopped doing drugs entirely but still drinks a little. Tell me something awful about yourself. You were avoidant and I was anxious. This was multiple lies stringing you along before he got caught fully.

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Listen - you say you care more about the lying than the drinking, but what you're fundamentally failing to understand is that the lying IS the drinking, and the drinking is the lying. And of course the lying is progressive. Can you do him for me? AA is free and generally available at all sorts of hours of the day. Would he be very pleased today to see you and to know what you're doing and what you've become? I'm sorry for how you're feeling right now; but you did the right thing.

How Walmart is spotlighting unsung heroes during the Oscars. Sobriety Counter — Bad Habits. No one else but you can determine whether it's a deal breaker, but you need to follow your instincts here. He has been very stressed at work and last night I put something in the freezer and noticed that half a bottle of vodka had been drunk. If there is a race for male superstar of this generation, Bradley cooper is the leading man.

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  1. You know the correct answer already. That's not gonna happen. Please don't do this to yourself. Even though we both loved art, radio, poetry, pets and owned our own homes. Moving interstate to live together after just one week is a red flag that fades over time as long as there aren't more red flags. And coming up full circle, last year, he even got to play the elephant man on Broadway.
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  2. Thanks for the correction Kathy. After our second fight, when I caught you in a lie, I told you I needed three things: Mark the money down as lost forever, and consider it cheap. Moving interstate to live together after just one week is a red flag that fades over time as long as there aren't more red flags. Sobriety is a 24-hour struggle and there needs to be a multi-tiered support system through recovery.
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How Walmart is spotlighting unsung heroes during the Oscars. Floods soak the engines of the car supposed to drive us to safety. A partner who lies to you is a dealbreaker- you said so yourself. I got to say, Barbara, you're looking really good. I drink a lot myself -- more than this guy probably! You said yourself that his behavior is a deal breaker for you.

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If this relationship were a house, the foundation would be cracked and the building itself would be bearing a lot of stress. Kathy, Thanks for writing and for all of the great thoughts and resources and sharing. And in my case, the lying is so much worse than the drinking itself as you posted. You're protecting future your future self from something that would only have gotten worse.

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Good for you for standing up for yourself. No one else but you can determine whether it's a deal breaker, but you need to follow your instincts here. With this release, we're excited to introduce Sober Milestone Stories! Please move on before he takes even more advantage of your kindness and understanding.

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As far as promises to not drink for 3 months? He's very upset and repetant and has promised not to drink for 3 months to prove it to me - but as I told him, I care about the lying more than the drinking. Please think about going to Al-Anon anyway, it's a wonderful support network in the aftermath of something like this. I do know that can happen in intimate relationships that are solid, built on friendship, etc.

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